Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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