That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
