I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
