sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
