I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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