There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Mom said you looked used
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
