we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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