She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have post one night stand depression
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