why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
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