Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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