My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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