i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have feelings that need drinking.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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