She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
