I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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