if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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