i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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