She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
