We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
