Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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