Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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