just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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