the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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