i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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