At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
