I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
