You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
