There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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