What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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