Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
