Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
