there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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