is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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