So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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