Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
