just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
