i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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