I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
