I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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