Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
