I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
