im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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