I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
