New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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