Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
