I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
