I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
