Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
