who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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