I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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