Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
