is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
