She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
