If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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