She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
