He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
