The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
