He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.