I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.