the day after is always just damage control
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been