First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.