If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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