def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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