Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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