Small penises have feelings too.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
