I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
farters have to be the big spoon...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
