I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
