Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
