I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
