We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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