She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i have two assholes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
