If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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