Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's the barista slut.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
