I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
