OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
