This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
