I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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